[Mark McDonnell]

Hi Ashley,

I think this is very well crafted and, I've no doubt, very publishable. It's definitely striking in its blend of loss, food and religion. I don't find it quite as moving as I wish I did. For me, it has a certain poetic tone, or movement, of taking an unusual conceit and running with it, and of saying extraordinary things in a deadpan way, that feels a little over-familiar. Something about it feels slightly mechanical. But then, it's impressive too.

Sorry for the oddly mixed response. I'm trying to be honest. I can recall poems of yours that have truly hit me in the gut. One with a scratchcard that has never quite left me and I'd love to read again. It's very good to see you back here.

[Ashley Bowen]

Hi, Mark,

Thanks for your honest evaluation. I appreciate the comments.

I still have the poem that you mentioned on my hard drive. I sent it out a few times but it got rejected every time.

Thanks, again, for stopping in. Much appreciated.

[Nick McRae]

Originally Posted by Ashley Bowen

Cooking for One

I measured how much of you was left
each time I stepped onto the scale, my weight

170, one-tenth of which I ledgered to your ghost.
For years, I bargained to bring you back, conjured you

with champagne and prosciutto to feel your presence
all around me. Each time I baked a cake and fingered

your name into the frosting, I felt as if I’d gone
to church but left before redemption rose to take me.

I confess: I used a Ouija board. I was gluttonous.
I piped your likeness onto petit fours. I assembled your temple

with stacks of chocolate wrappers, my rotten enamel
the outcome of my prayers. The bible lists the Deadly Sins but never

what we’ll see after something irreversible
has happened. Heart disease, hardening of the arteries.

Only when I gave up sugar did I starve you from returning.
Those last seventeen pounds, so hard to shed, and Hell,

an oven of my own lighting, crème brûlée, walls rich with icing.

I didn't want to be the immature one, but where I'm from the highlighted word has connotations. Maybe this isn't the case where you are, but you could consider changing the word to 'swirled' if need be.

Also quite enjoyed this one.

[Joe Crocker]

Originally Posted by Nick McRae

I didn't want to be the immature one, but where I'm from the highlighted word has connotations. Maybe this isn't the case where you are, but you could consider changing the word to 'swirled' if need be.

I think "fingered" is very much the right word here, sensuous and salacious.

[Nick McRae]

Originally Posted by Joe Crocker

I think "fingered" is very much the right word here, sensuous and salacious.

That's fair enough. Initially I had thought that it just flew over everyone's head. Personally I found the connotation a bit too strong, but that may just be me. Sensuous isn't usually what I associate with the term, but I can get on board with salacious.

[Ashley Bowen]

I have to say that I never intended, nor saw, "fingered" in any of the ways that you're mentioning. Food for thought (no pun intended). Ha!

Thanks for reading and responding.