[Carl Copeland]

In purple heather, underneath the pines,
meander sandy knolls.
In crimson haze, the evening sun declines,
reduced to glowing coals.
And mist creeps from the meadow toward the rye
through spotlights of the moon,
and corncrakes, like the crickets, though they try,
can’t shout each other down.
And—distant remnant of the sultry day—
a flaming crack sheds light
from shutters of the quiet house to say
you’ve gone up for the night.


Crib

Beneath pines and in purple/violet heather
[are] crumbly (sandy) hillocks.
And in the evening in crimson haze/smoke
[are] gaseous* spheres/globes of the sun.
And toward the scarce rye, mist crawls from the meadow
through moonbeams,
and, like crickets, the corncrakes
can’t outshout each other.
And—a distant and hot reflection/vestige of the day—
a flaming crack
lets me know from shutters of the hushed cottage
that you are going to bed.


* Today this adjective commonly refers to carbon monoxide, but it can also refer to coal gas, fumes and other products of burning. I consulted an expert on the unusual phrase “gaseous spheres,” and she interpreted it as multiple views of the dimming sun.


Original

Под соснами и в вереске лиловом
Сыпучие бугры.
И солнца вечером в дыму багровом
Угарные шары.
И к редкой ржи ползет туман от луга
Сквозь лунные лучи,
И, как сверчки, перекричать друг друга
Не могут дергачи.
И — отблеск дня далекий и горячий —
Пылающая щель
Дает мне знать из ставен смолкшей дачи,
Что ты идешь в постель.

[Glenn Wright]

Hi, Carl—

“Corncrake” was new to me. I had to look it up to discover that it is a kind of bird.

At first I assumed that the “flaming crack” in L10 was a bolt of heat lightning that illuminated the darkening landscape enough for the N to see that his girlfriend is closing up the house prior to retiring for the evening—(perhaps in anticipation of his visit?), but when I looked at the Russian, I saw щель, which does not mean “crack” in the sense of a loud noise, but rather in the sense of a gap, so then I supposed that the image is that as she closes the shutters, she creates a narrow gap through which the N sees the fireplace. But if the day was sultry, would she have made a fire? Maybe to cook? I’m confused.

The image pattern established in the other poems continues in this one. We have the color red, the moon, and nightfall suggesting femininity, creativity, and romance. The oppressive sun makes a brief appearance, too. Zenkevich reminds me of Wallace Stevens, who also had a complicated set of images and colors that had recurring symbolic significance in his poems.

Nice work, Carl!

Glenn

[David Callin]

Hi Carl. I think this works really well.

I only wonder about a few word choices - spotlights and crack (as mentioned by Glenn), really.

And also "you’ve gone up for the night" - does that sound right, I wonder? It doesn't necessarily suggest retiring for the night to me ... "you’ve turned in for the night", maybe?

Still, a good one.

Cheers

David

[Carl Copeland]

Thanks, Glenn and David! You both questioned “flaming crack.” It’s an absolutely literal translation, but that’s no consolation if it’s misleading. I suppose I could go with “gap,” but that would diminish what I suspect is a sexual connotation. I’ll think on it.

Glenn, I agree that a lit fireplace is unlikely. I saw it as the light of a lamp or candle showing through a crack in an upstairs bedroom window of an otherwise dark house. It could be a signal, but I prefer to think of the addressee as another of Zenkevich’s unobtainable women.

David, the ”spotlights” are my improvisation. I saw the mist as creeping in and out of shadowy and moonlit patches, and “spotlights” seemed a neat shorthand for that. What didn’t you like about it? I’m surprised that “you’ve gone up for the night” isn’t clear. “You’ve turned in” fits, but it would mean she’s already in bed, wouldn’t it? I see her as getting ready for bed, before turning out the light.

[David Callin]

Hi Carl. It just seems a bit of a stretch to go from moonbeams to spotlights of the moon, but if it works for you I'm not going to quibble.

And, having consulted with Mrs C on "you've gone up for the night", I'll give you that one too.

Cheers

David

[Carl Copeland]

Thanks, David, to you and Mrs C too! BTW, did you get the same misleading impression from "crack" that Glenn did?

[David Callin]

Originally Posted by Carl Copeland

Thanks, David, to you and Mrs C too! BTW, did you get the same misleading impression from "crack" that Glenn did?

No, not really! Well, slightly perhaps, but only very distantly. I think it's fine. (Of course, now Glenn's said it, I can't unthink it, but it's only a minor hindrance.)