[Susan McLean]

Perplexed

In August, my white lilacs bloom,
although they ought to bloom in May.
Each drought-stressed branch holds out a spray
as showy as an ostrich plume,
wafting its rapturous perfume.
What's knocked their inner clock astray
.....in August?

Like a dazed bride who fears her groom
will leave her, clutching her bouquet,
deliriously she makes her way
toward dark shapes and uncertain doom
.....in August.

Revisions:
S1L6 "their" was "its"


Note: The form is a rondine.

[Glenn Wright]

Hi, Susan—

I like the first stanza, but the detour into a Hitchcock film in the second stanza left me a bit puzzled. The simile is unexpectedly disturbing. One might suspect a body buried near the lilacs is providing them some extra nourishment.
The use of present tense in S1L1 made me wonder if this happens every year. Apparently several bushes are involved. Perhaps we have a serial killer on the loose!

Glenn

[Susan McLean]

Glenn, the clue to what has caused the time-slip in blooming is in S1L3. This is not the first year it has happened, but each time it does, I find it disturbing, which is what the metaphor in S2 is trying to convey.

Susan

[Roger Slater]

The first line speaks of "lilacs", plural, but then the poem switches to the singular "it" for the duration. That made me stumble a little bit. If you were counting on "Each" in L3 to allow the switch to the singular, I don't think it works since you are still speaking about all the lilacs, not just one at a time.

It may well be just me, but I'm not really getting what you mean in S2.

[Joe Crocker]

"We'll gather lilacs in the spring" is an Ivor Novello song of the 1940a. That title never feels quite right to me. It sort of implies that Lilacs are a wildflower that you may gather skipping through the fields holding a wicker basket . Whereas, it is a tree with lots of blooms and "gathering" seems the wrong verb. Also, they tend to flower late May-June which is more like early summer than spring in my part of the world. In our house we notice when the Lilac tree is in bloom rather than Lilacs. But I guess the song has made the plural a more common referent. When the poem goes into singular I'm assuming it is referring the singular branch or singular spray or tree. It sounded fine to me.

I rather liked the second verse. I had images of the jilted Miss Havisham. I liked "doom" too, with its old-fashioned sense of fate (albeit an unhappy one).

[Susan McLean]

Roger, in S1L5 the "its" refers to "a spray," but you are right that in S1L6 I should refer to all of the lilacs that are blooming, so I have changed that "its." The premonitions of doom in the metaphor in S2 are hinting that I think the lilacs are dying, and the culprit, causing the drought, is global warming. But I didn't want to just state that flatly. The white of the blooms suggested a bride, and I have certainly known a few brides that were in an anxious state on their wedding day. Each bloom looks like a little wedding bouquet, a tight clump of blossoms.

Susan

[Susan McLean]

Joe, we cross-posted. I am glad you could follow the leap into metaphor between the stanzas, and that the scenario of the bride made sense to you.

Susan

[Barbara Baig]

Hi Susan,
I enjoyed the first stanza (all the wildflowers where I am in Maine bloomed outside of their usual times this year--but they all bloomed earlier).
The second stanza confused me: The simile seems incomplete. For one thing, is "she" the bride? In that case it appears that the whole stanza refers to her, so there's no real simile that I can see. If "she" is the lilac bush, I'd need that to be made clearer. Also, I can understand the bush making its way to "doom"--but why is the bride doing so?

Barbara

[Paula Fernandez]

Susan--

I love this forum because I learn all the obscure poetry forms here. Thank you for introducing me to the rondine!

I like this one quite a lot--especially the ostrich plume. I thought the leap to the dazed bride was brilliant. It gave the poor little lilac bush a personality and roused empathy in me for her/it. As always, your craftsmanship is excellent.

My only "hmm" was on the next to last line which "dark shapes and uncertain doom" seemed too vague a fate--perhaps just a filler line. I would have preferred to carry on the metaphor with the lost groom.

[Susan McLean]

Barbara, the lilac bush, which has no gender, is being compared to a bride, who is traditionally female. Thus, within the simile, "she" refers to "bride," but we are also supposed to compare the bride's situation to the bush's. The whiteness of the flowers suggested to me both the bride's attire and her bouquet. The bride is afraid the groom will leave her--not at the altar, but after the wedding. She doesn't totally trust him, but she doesn't feel she can back out of the wedding, either. At least, that is the scenario I imagined.

Paula, for me, the "dark shapes" suggest the groom and best man waiting at the altar for the bride, who is having the jitters, which may or may not be justified, hence the "uncertain doom."

Susan