Matt, this is good. Seriously good. It has a Shirley Jackson vibe, or Borges. There are so many things there or could be there between his arrival and the new man's arrival. Is it so much different than growing up, for example, to be confused but receive no helpful guidance? There are many ways to go with it. That's just one. That's what makes a story great IMO.
There are a few places where my line-editing gene was pushing me. I don't know if there are places that need any touching up or if my cutting addiction took over.
One example
Quote:
|
When I came to in the cave that served as their shelter
|
I don't think you need "that served as their shelter." It is implicit that they are cave dwellers and I don't know that the reader has to be told so point blank.
**
Quote:
|
Are you one of us?” they asked me as I crawled into their camp.
|
I don't think you need "me." Who else would they be asking?
I'll stop. (Soon someone will come in and say Don't touch it!) Who knows? Maybe writing so many 100-word pieces twisted me but I've always worked to make prose as smooth as possible.
Quote:
|
Perhaps because I wanted to prove something to myself, or to them, or perhaps just because I did not want to die alone
|
cut "just."
It's a brilliant story, Matt. Maybe do another line reading/edit? That's all I can suggest.