Bill, thank you for applying yourself to the poem. It is an honor to have someone spend time with one of my poems. I am of course thrilled you feel the music. I wrote so many prose poems and now I'm enjoying trying to use line endings for rhythm. I've also tried to use what is in the poem at that point, is there a pause in what is happening, a sort of thought rhythm? I don't think that makes any sense. Thank you again for your comment.
Jim, you're right about reading a poem a few times before commenting. A good poem, imo, has a kernel and sometimes it takes more than one reading to see it. I'm talking about poetry abstractly here. I'm glad Bill's reading helped you see the music.
Thanks, Cally, you know how much I value your input. Your readings and comments help hold me up.
Cameron, thanks. As I said above I've been enjoying using the lines like this. I'm glad you enjoyed it.
About this not being a new form. I was sitting around unable to write and it suddenly occurred to me: Just go write a poem the way I think the poem should be written. I want to write, not spend time picking a form. Just write and let the form pick me and if it's something I've done before so what? I need to write more than I want to work on different forms. I'll see what happens.
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