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Unread 03-14-2022, 08:17 AM
Susan McLean Susan McLean is offline
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Join Date: Jul 2001
Location: Iowa City, IA, USA
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John, I am grateful for your suggestions and have made two changes. I did not change "hard" to "heavy" for two reasons. Porphyry was known in the ancient world as the hardest of stones, not the heaviest, and I didn't see how something could look heavy, but something that was glossy could look hard. Porphyry is purple, so the similarity to blood would be obvious. I changed "rocks" to "cliffs" and I did change "disturbed" to "pained," but the rhythm of the lines was one of the things I was trying hard to get right, and ending on "intimacy" gave the wrong rhythm to the line.

Susan
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