Quote:
Originally Posted by John Riley
Revision II
Night Call
In the night, in the fog,
at the city creek's bridge rail
I begin to sing
Every long sound from my throat
shifts the trees as birds flee
I feel them wondering why is there such a song here
I sing on through the night
Across the way, people come out of homes
Some cry and hold out their arms,
some bring sleepy children to hear the song
Others, of course, are upset
that their night has been changed from a hush
to hearing the wingless man singing the song
that does not rise from where
the wide-winged loon would make its call
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A minor nit but I like it a touch better without the periods. It's lines are very poetic and well structured, and I think they can stand alone without too much punctuation.
IMO, the periods give it a
this is literature feel, this is a sentence, this is the end of a paragraph etc. To me they distract, don't add, in this one.