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Thanks for coming back Alexandra. You are right about the flurry of semicolons. I’m always experimenting/tinkering. My thinking was that the semicolons would create a stiffening cadence, a freezing, fossilizing effect; as if the flow of words was slowly turning to ice. But it didn't work so I took them out.
Nemo, Hmm, that’s an interesting observation! I’ve taken your suggestion and think I like the effect. It occurred to me, too, that parentheses might work to distinguish the beginning from the ending but I’m not sure about that.
I’ve continued to clean up/hone the phrasing. I’m aware that I often over-think things. But I’m beginning to reign that in. I’ve worked to rid the poem of any extraneous wording to stay true to a minimalist feel to the overall expression. I've also looked closely ate some of the wording for accuracy and discovered better words, I think, in many spots.
It doesn't belong here on metrical, but I'm happy with it in spite of that.
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