It would seem that you're not inviting further comments on this, John, but I will just say that I like it a lot. It has a mythic feel that reminds me of something else - something good, for sure - which I just can't place at the moment.
The only thing I don't much like is the internal rhyming in L5, but no one else has mentioned that. So probably nothing to worry about.
Cheers
David
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