[Andrew Frisardi]

Good to see you posting here, Alex.

I had the same thought as Roger about using pentameter, to give you more wiggle room. On the other hand, the folksy feel of the tet feels right for this, and I suspect you'll want to keep that.

I’ve been reading your alternative stanzas, and have a few thoughts.

For stanza 2, it seems to me you could get closer to the literal sense that you have in your crib, and still keep the meter and rhyme, e.g.,

And if my strength is vainly spent,
it’s you who sinned, it wasn’t me.
No anvil for my hammer meant
My ax fell on a rotten tree.


I hope you don’t mind me fiddling. I just mean to say I think S2 can be bettered in either version.

For S3, I definitely prefer the second one. “Woodland door” complicates the imagery too much. On the other hand, I think there might be better solutions than the “instead / shed” rhyme pair.

I also wonder about S4, which I’d prefer without the run-on from S3. The self-contained stanzas seem integral to the poem in its prose simplicity.

More thoughts later, maybe, as I read more.