Thread: Ghosting
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Unread 04-06-2024, 06:59 PM
Tony Barnstone's Avatar
Tony Barnstone Tony Barnstone is offline
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Join Date: Mar 2009
Location: Los Angeles, CA
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Nice to circle back to this one again. It is working well. I have a few thoughts, not urgent, but maybe helpful?

How about shortening:

Our buddy movie spooled out to its end.
Is that what you think? Be kind. Rewind your heart.

to

Our buddy movie spooled out to its end.
Be kind. Rewind your heart.

And then this one, too could be stronger if shorter:

They say that love is blind. It may be. Is it
a blind eye or a hunting blind, your heart?

could be

They say that love is blind. Is it
a blind eye or a hunting blind, your heart?

That was "Is it" at first asks "Is love blind?" and then revises itself to a different meaning after the line break.

Not sure what all has changed otherwise, but I don't feel any thumbs or elbows so I think you've revised this very well!

Take care, Tony
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