Susan,
Congrats! Hard to write a good ghazal that doesn't feel too artificial. As I see it, each couplet should be a unit, related perhaps but also possibly independent of the other units, yet unified within. The first line should be the setup, the second the resolution, with the line break the pause before the punchline, the shift from snapping open to snapping shut or vice-versa. Most of your couplets work this way, with some exceptions:
Does anger's barbed wire pierce and bind your heart?
Or has it grown a bitter rind, your heart?
This one kind of works. I guess the rind is protection against anger's barb. But it forces us to see the heart as a fruit with a bitter rind and also wrapped in barbed wire. It is a bit of a surreal image. On the other hand, I like its wildness.
My letters are returned, my calls unanswered.
Searching my nets, I cannot find your heart.
This one loses me because it drops the communication theme for metaphorical fishing, and the nets don't go with the water and calls. Maybe you could do something with tweets and emails and make the net electronics?
Our buddy movie spooled out to its end.
Is that what you think? Be kind. Rewind your heart.
This one works perfectly.
They say that love is blind. It may be. Is it
a blind eye or a hunting blind, your heart?
Nice one. I like the wordplay
Maybe you're ill. Do webs of plaque obstruct
the paths I hack through to remind your heart?
Here again, two different levels. Illness? Plaque? I guess it is cholesteral plaque, not plaque on the teeth, but at first I didn't get that. Perhaps change paths I hack through (a jungle image which doesn't work here) to something about obstructed veins?
Perhaps you've moved, packed up your cat and vanished,
reset your bearings, realigned your heart.
I think this one works.
I scan death notices for you. Has someone
embalmed your memories or brined your heart?
Good one
Is my distress a taste you crave? Dissolve
the pearl in wine. Drink. I've resigned your heart.
Not bad, but is the rhyme word the best for this?
Whatever ensues, this is where I sign off.
I'll never know if I've maligned your heart.
It works and the signature "I" is well done. I just wish it would "pop" more, really stick the landing in an exciting way since the couplets above raise the bar.
Hope this helps, Tony
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