Nice little story! Is it a stand-alone for some generic clinic visit, or part of a longer story?
I have a tough time with the meter in the 4th and 11th lines. Try a different mummy joke, and use "rebalance" instead of "dazzle"? Also, it could be regional, but to my ear, L3's photograph, L8 toward, and L13 after don't quite fit.
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