Hi Alexandra,
Maybe think of adding one more stanza to give the poem room to breathe? And no, I don't think your edit to the last line works yet--too much telling and moral at the end. The rest of the poem is crisp and exciting in its details and I feel that is how the poem should go out, too. As to philosophy, I think of myself as the way Eliot described Blake, "We have the same respect for Blake’s philosophy ... that we have for an ingenious piece of home-made furniture: we admire the man who has put it together out of the odds and ends about the house." I've cobbled together some ideas the way I furnished my grad student house--with sofas tossed on lawns and broken chairs found in alleyways.
Be well! Tony
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