Thank you all again for your thoughtful and generous feedback, especially, Glenn and Max!
Max’s sharp questions about what the girl might have expected to see, and how she arrives at her knowledge, gave me a lot to consider. While the scene’s realism remains somewhat dream-infused or mystical, I do hope the surrounding stanzas evoke a spiritual sensibility through the pigeons’ rise, the sensory layering of incense, call to prayer, mythic allusions, and the architectural space charged with memory and ritual. My intention was to have insight arise through immersion—not exposition—so that both the girl and the reader might sense revelation unfolding through presence rather than proof.
With that in mind, I’ve slightly adjusted the closing lines to open that discernment to a broader scope—no longer confined only to the girl, but gesturing toward a shared spiritual awareness that transcends the individual. The final lines now read:
Discerning what saints have known in their core—
The souls that crest free surge past mortal sight.
I hope this version better suggests a universal moment of perception, one that resonates beyond the immediate experience of a single figure.
That said, I fully accept that this insight might still benefit from greater anchoring—or even a clarifying image or two earlier on—so I’ll continue exploring what might enhance that without sacrificing the poem’s atmosphere.
Thanks again, everyone, for helping me see this poem more clearly!
Cheers,
…Alex