[Trevor Conway]

Hi John,

I struggled to grapple fully with this. It seems very dense, and the prose sections probably don't help in terms of density. It might be worth inserting some line breaks into them to see how it affects the density and pace. I feel like there's probably an interesting poem here, but it would take a lot of readings to find that, more than should be necessary.

Anyway, I hope this undetailed feedback helps in some way. Feel free to ask any questions.

Trev