Quote:
Originally Posted by Glenn Wright
I wonder if you could solve the problem of separating the day’s “creeping fog” from the N’s nicotiney lungs and hazy brain by returning to the original Russian punctuation. Use an em-dash at the end of S1L1 and a comma at the end of S1L2.
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I thought of playing with the punctuation, but didn’t think it would do much good. It’s worth another look, though.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Glenn Wright
I wondered if Zenkevich and Eliot knew each other. Eliot wrote “Prufrock” in 1910-11 and published it in 1915, around the same time that Zenkevich was working on this poem. (Pretty tenuous, I suppose.)
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An intriguing connection, but I don’t suppose Zenkevich would have seen a prepublication copy of “Prufrock.” Interestingly, he translated at least five Eliot poems in the 1960s (not “Prufrock,” though).
Quote:
Originally Posted by Glenn Wright
I wonder if “sirens bawl” in S2L2 might be an alternative to the much-too-soft “sirens weep” or the predictable “sirens wail.” “Bawl” also picks up the reference to an infant from S1 and is close in meaning to плачут.
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That’s pretty brilliant, answering both my concerns and Matt’s and yielding an internal rhyme as a side benefit. Thanks!
Quote:
Originally Posted by Glenn Wright
Upon re-reading, I noticed that the poem encompasses a whole day. It begins with a reference to baptism of the infant day swaddled in yellow, which suggests the first gleam of sunlight in the clouds and also reinforces the filthiness by suggesting urine stains. It ends with looming darkness, which implies that the gold particle is the last gleam of sunlight as well as whatever small bit of beauty the poet can distill from his depressing surroundings.
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Nice interpretation!