Why did you do it in couplets? It seems like an unnecessary liberty. Borges used a rhyme scheme that is more sonnet-like, though not typical:
abba
cdcd
effegg
I wouldn't say you need to translate with the exact rhyme scheme, but couplets seems a bit too unnecessarily far from what Borges did.
I don't have time to say much more at the moment, but I'll mention my biggest issue on first reading. You've stuck "corpses in graves" into the poem, but it's not in the original. That's a pretty big move, and it might work if it somehow was in the spirit of the rest of the poem, but I think it jars. The things are not the corpses. They're what will outlast us and never miss us or even know we were there. We're the corpses.
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