Jim, I hope this is OK - I had fun - thank you!
Jim,
Forgive my trespassing. I think the problem was at the very end of the original version, where the author’s modesty is lost.
Also, I think a little shuffling delivers without spelling out too much. The poem already mentions dedication of “the love song.”
Commonly, and unpretentiously, referring to “the trembling voice” allows the wonderful musical term to be used casually as a qualifier: “the quaver in my heart.”
The Third Verse
Keep going, keep going…
is what she said to me
when my lips faltered as I sang
the third verse of the love song
I had written for her. I did not know
she was not listening to the words
but only to the trembling voice
as it delivered the quaver in my heart.
QUAVER (Excerpts)
from Google:
Dictionary
Definitions from Oxford Languages
qua·ver
/ˈkwāvər/
verb
(of a person's voice) shake or tremble in speaking, typically through nervousness or emotion.
noun
1.
a shake or tremble in a person's voice.
"it was impossible to hide the slight quaver in her voice"
~
I think the duende rode in and inhabits The Third Verse.
Buenaventura!
~mignon
|