.
Quickly, because I'm on my way out...
I like everything about it, and there's a lot to like.
I picked up on/liked the assonance first; the quietness of the "ss's/sh's/sp's".
I easily found the rhythm that runs fluidly throughout.
The slant/off rhymes are my favorite kind of rhyme.
The imagery in the first stanza is as lucid as the tangible thing you're describing in your mind's eye... Really beautiful writing.
The poem's opening "weeping window" is a powerful image/metaphor and one that I can't recall ever seeing/hearing in poetry put quite that way. Windows are a common, but one's that are animated to be weeping are quite another.
The poem gives every indication it is heading toward a somber end — and then you abruptly change your mood to be distracted by the shoddiness of the window frame. I was really surprised by that and know for certain there is a different ending that you had in mind but veered away from that would have been as effective as the surprise ending.
Beautiful rumination on condensation : )
I'll come back.
.
|