Thanks folks. I apologise for the lateness of reply.
Hi Matt
I’m glad you like this, on the whole. I think, for what reason I’m not entirely sure, that I found myself wanting to change gear with this one and to write something that felt somehow quieter than my poems sometimes do, perhaps. And that manifested in a lack of rhyme and alliterative techniques, a looser metre, and yes a purposeful simplicity to some of the language. In the lines you point out (L5 and 6) I like the contrast between the precision of image for the joyful possibility and the more vague language that follows, which I hoped contained an ominous quality in its vagueness. I get your point about the last two lines and “sing/songs/songs”. I had experimented with possibilities before posting, with alternatives like “hum”, “lull” etc but I kept ending up where I started with the simplest option. But your pickiness is genuinely always useful and appreciated, just as much as the less critical crits.
Thank you Nemo, I don’t know what to say to your last sentence but I’ll take it happily. I think if one person ever thinks that about even one poem we have written, that’s a success. That connection is why we do this, surely.
And yes, the expectation to fill every space of a poem with phrases and images that surprise, that are fresh and charged, to “load every rift with ore”, is one that I often feel a self-inflicted pressure to meet. It is hard and can sometimes block a poem from getting going. I feel like I allowed myself more of the leeway of simplicity here and it took me to an unexpected place where the overall mood became as important as any individual image or line. Thanks, as always, for your delicate reading of this.
Thanks Joe. Yes, similar to what I said to Nemo, as I was writing the opening three lines I was aware of feeling that this was probably the quietest opening to a poem I had written. I tried to get rid of the worry of not providing any attempt at any kind of linguistic fireworks or surprise and to trust the simple description, and trust that the poem would go somewhere interesting. Which hopefully it does.
Thanks John. Yes, “news of some dreadful struggle” in its way is as consciously “poetic” a line as the preceding one, in that it sounds like something one has read many times before (but not something one would ever say in casual conversation). It sound old and somewhat literary. So flirting with that sense of familiarity was a risk I was happy to take here.
Thanks Jan. I’m glad you enjoyed it and for the reasons you give. I’m pleased the voice has an authenticity to it.
Hi Jim,
I’m very pleased that you pick up on the poem’s quietness as a prevailing mood. And also that you like the title, titles usually being something I am horrible at. I’m happy that people seem to have felt that the poem’s ambiguity strikes the right balance too. I love “A Child’s Christmas in Wales” btw.
Clive, your close analysis of the poem is so generous and enlightening, as has been your wonderfully incisive readings of other poems of mine. I’m genuinely very grateful for them.
Thanks all.
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