Quote:
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I see what you see but that’s it. I’d like to feel more of what you feel.
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Yes. The poem rather matter-of-factly describes a scene--"sea slushy slow" and the ending on "me" are the only places that it's more expressive. So my reaction is, "Yes--and ... ?"
I'm able to perceive the form as reflecting a dune, but Joe's surely right that a more exact representation of that form would be more effective.
To me, there's a problem in Rick's suggestion of switching "me" to "I": the title suggests that "me" is functioning as a direct object in this context, in which case it's the appropriate pronoun for the job. As to the metrics, yes, it's heterometrical without an organizing pattern to the shifts--plus there's an anapest thrown in in L2.