David, ah, I missed the legal references. I see--the first sentence makes perfect sense if “encumbrance” is taken to mean a “mortgage on property or other assets.” The land doesn’t have that, but it still has other, natural obstacles: I really like this distinction, but I just worry about how many people will catch it by taking “encumbrance” as you intended it. Apparently I’m not the only one who didn’t.
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I was wondering about finishing on the current penultimate line. Is it strong enough by itself?
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It’s pretty strong, but I think it is made more expansive, and the poem more ringingly complete, by following the line with “and stands around you.”
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The only line I see as being non-metaphorical is, "take the paths worn out by sheep." which is a beautiful line that, although not metaphorical, is richly suggestive of so many things.
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Well, it wouldn’t be too hard to extract a metaphor out of this line, were it not for the line that follows. Of course, “sheep” symbolize those who follow someone or something with blind trust, and surely the paths of such ones are the most well-worn. But such “sheep” would hardly be caught in “thoughtful musings.” Still, since you’ve already geared us toward metaphor in this poem, I’m inclined to derive some sort of paradox from this passage.