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Unread 02-03-2024, 06:56 PM
John Boddie John Boddie is online now
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Bill -

This is a good start on an interesting simile. You might consider:

Dropping S2

You might drop "paper" in S7. By this point in the piece, your readers already know it's paper.

The transition from S7 to S8 seems disjointed to me. The use of the roots is a good one and you might look at moving S8, making it S5. If you do this, you might want to drop S7 entirely.

JB
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