Dear David, Andrew, Mary, Ralph, and Nick (twice!),
Thanks very much for your comments. I've made some additional edits that I won't share here, since I'd like to post the next section now and don't want to hog the board with continued discussion of this one, but I found your advice very helpful and encouraging.
Susan,
I wasn't ready to cut the "epicaricacy" bit when you suggested that, but now I am, and have done so in my personal copy of the poem.
Julie
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