Thread: Fire Assignment
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Unread 12-13-2023, 05:13 AM
Jim Ramsey Jim Ramsey is offline
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Join Date: Jan 2021
Location: Greensboro, NC
Posts: 470
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Hi Ella,

I really like the punching bag metaphor but think you could expand it...

we hold our faces as steady as punching bags when hit by their frustrations...

when some of them hug us it feels like a clinch so they can rest before they have to take the next punch...

they feint with left jabs meant only as questions but we hear the fear...

they talk of old fights with this raging foe, old scars that cut and bleed easy ...

Also, I wonder how the poem might morph if the narrator was a little less emotionally involved. What I think i mean by that is you could try a version with the N as more of a neutral observer of the residents and the details of their plight. i think this has great potential but that it doesn't yet have some of the holding power I've seen in your other pieces posted here so far.
Probably, just your normal revision process will carry it through the fight and hopefully better ideas than mine will come from our more accomplished members. And, good luck with that MFA application. I like the voice I have heard you putting on these boards and I look forward to hearing it grow.

All the best,
Jim
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