View Single Post
  #2  
Unread 12-08-2023, 11:59 AM
Ella Shively Ella Shively is offline
New Member
 
Join Date: Jun 2023
Location: Northern California
Posts: 60
Default

Hi Jim,

So cool to see we've both been inspired by nest predation of late. I love opossums but I don't see many poems about them. I knew it was an opossum as soon as I read "accumulating hate;" they always look so grumpy but I guess that's part of their charm. I like how you bracket the story with setting down and then picking up the shears, like "back to business as usual."

This is lovely overall, so here are a few of my suggestions. This sentence is kind of long and could be broken up: "At first, was only shadows, angling branches, held my gaze, until through a gap in the thickly bunched and spiny maze, I jumped at seeing a gray and furry face with beady eyes set back within the hedge, a face that seemed to stare back at me accumulating hate as it drew farther back and tautened lips and showed its needle teeth." I also think that "doubled fingers" is a confusing comparison.

Have a great weekend,

Ella
Reply With Quote