OK--take your parting shot at the dead--no requirement that they've gotten there yet.

Epitaph on a Torrent

To GWB (junior)

He loved his quickies and Elba toast,
But Seizure salads were Cheyney's boast.


Whoops! Not Liebermann - wrong ticket. But, in my defence, when were VP's ever notable?



[This message has been edited by Nigel Holt (edited May 21, 2001).]

These are a few of my oldest stabs at short light verse:

Advance Planning


I

Though mocked and hounded all their lives,
Nobody doubts their bond survives.
So here they rest, beyond their troubles,
Michael Jackson and faithful Bubbles.

II

May God accept Madonna, who
Has some explaining she must do.

III

God's humble servant, Edward Koch, lies here.
At least now how he's doin' should be clear.

IV

Although they died before their times,
Dear Lord, absolve them of their crimes
And bless, in spite of disco's evil,
Your sons The Village People.

V

Within this hallowed earth
Lies one who knew its worth
But felt its price would jump
Once graced by Donald Trump.


And from the tradition, a few years back I translated this from Boileau:

Epitaph of Mr. ....

Properly mourned, here you will find:
A know-it-all with no degree;
A blueblood with no pedigree;
A man quite decent, yet unkind.

Epitaphe de M. De....

Ci-git, justement regrette,
Un savant homme sans science,
Un gentilhomme sans naissance,
Un tres bon homme sans bonte.

Epitath? I assume that's a cross between an epitaph and an epithet, so here goes:

He liked to say he’d tried his best;
I hope his soul has earned its rest,
for while he tried a lot of stuff
his best was never good enough.

Carol

Or maybe this?


He always got the final word.
A pity that he never heard
The warning shout before the blow
because he kept on talking. So
now that he’s silently interred,
his tombstone reads, “Look out below!”


Carol

Carol: Yup, you caught me in a brain freeze. I fixed the text but I'm clueless as to how to fix the title...If you can fix it, please be my guest.

It's fixed, but couldn't we could coin the word Epithats?

Carol

Couldn't resist this. Unfortunately, I can't think whom these lines are meant to attack -- any suggestions?

Here lies Yvette, whose pheromones
Would resurrect the oldest bones.
When called by profits, she undressed
And firmly laid those bones to rest.


And here the Arrow Collar Man lies buried,
Despite a thousand offers, still unmarried.
Ladies, don’t tear your hair and wonder “how?”
You’ve got a better chance to rouse him now.


I hope the following trick with punctuation works and that this makes sense:

In case you're curious, this fossil is
Father of scalene and isosceles.
We're told he looked on Beauty, bare--
thus giving Beauty quite a scare.

(I hope it'll be clear that EUCLID was bare when he looked on Beauty.)



[This message has been edited by ChrisW (edited May 22, 2001).]

God forgive your departed servant,
condescending and pompous and arrogant.
And help the rest of us that we might
forgive him the sin of being right.

Carol

Love the idea, but thought I'd nudge the rhythm a bit; hope you don't mind.


God, forgive your servant--insolent,
condescending, pompous, arrogant.
And help the rest of us so that we might
forgive him for the sin of being right.


Cheers,
Jan